Parental love in Covid-19 times: Making up for lost time, experiences

Radhika Bhirani

rbhirani@gmail.com

I don't remember. But my mother will never forget.

"I was a working mom. She was very little. There were days I dropped her off to my parents' home before I left for work in the morning, or my mother-in-law, the neighbours or our full-time maid would take care of her. I was hardly there."

She reminisced, as my husband listened, about my days as a toddler.

"Some days, I had no option but to take her with me to the office... I would use a cardboard box there to keep her comfortable, and then I could watch her while I worked."

But this isn't about me. Or her.

It's about the little moments, the experiences, the joys and the happiness that somewhere, parents lose out on in their pursuit to build a future they dream of, for themselves and their children. The moments that some parents have been able to live up because an unprecedented lockdown came as a blessing in disguise, and allowed them the luxury of 'family time', at home.

It could be something as little, but as priceless as your child's first tooth or first walk.

Had it not been for the Covid-19 lockdown, actors Angad Bedi and Neha Dhupia may have missed seeing their little daughter Mehr take her first steps

"It was such a beautiful sight," says Angad, and adds, "It's lovely to spend time with her, and to hear her try to say Papa or Mumma."

The actor says these little moments made him realise not just the value of his own parents, but of the importance of valuing the "simple things which give you happiness".

"As humans, we just feel that we need to work like a machine all the time, because time is running out. But time will always run out. It's not as though we can control it. But the times spent with family, with your spouse or baby, is the best thing in the world."

The lockdown indeed gave working parents a break from the outside world, and get a better peek into their homes and lives.

Ask the homemakers, and they'll say it's true. Having their better/bitter halves by their side at home has been comforting to say the least. A friend, always on the edge about her husband's endless work hours, was glad he was at least in front of her eyes. And that he could share, if not completely, take on some of the responsibilities of the child.

The working moms, though juggling between work at the kitchen top and laptop, at peace about being able to cook delectable delights for the family.

Bonding had, otherwise, at least in urban homes, become a thing about fancy vacations, weekend getaways, dinners and brunches, or just a hi-and-bye affair.

Look at it the other way round. Even the children made time for their middle-aged or older parents. Little things mattered, as they always do. Ensuring everyone sits together for lunch and dinner at least. Preparing a cup of tea for them. Making that little peg of scotch for the dad, and a refreshing drink for the mom. Ensuring the mother doesn't miss out on her breakfast in the routine of feeding others. Taking care to chalk out half an hour of chatting before everyone retires to the rooms.

A scroll through Instagram handles of Bollywood's celebrity parents shows exactly how people who would have, in regular circumstances, been on the move, busy and caught up, were able to pause and spend some quality time with their kids during the quarantine.

Kalki Koechlin plays the ukulele and sings to her daughter Sappho, Shilpa Shetty Kundra is enjoying every bit of being home with her eight years old son Viaan and four-month-old daughter Samisha, Anil Kapoor played carrom with his daughter Rhea and wife Sunita, Satish Kaushik got a chance to enjoy Ludo evenings with his daughter, and Raveena Tandon is also ensuring she indulges in different activities with her children.

These are just a few of the many that can be cited, in representational terms, to say how the lockdown turned the tables for the lost family time.

A doting mother, Raveena is glad she is being able to have lunch with her children, workout with them and play games too.

"Children never had the time to do these things. And of course, I am getting all the time to teach them simpler things of life -- cooking, making their bed, washing some of their own clothes, using the washing machine, running the dishwasher, how to help in the kitchen, peel veggies and fruits... It's like wholesome education which we have got a chance to do with home schooling," she tells me.

This exhilaration, however, also comes with a sense of responsibility that she acknowledges without fail.

"As mothers, amid the tragedy that is unfolding around us where we are seeing so many fatalities every day only rising and it's almost like doom settling, we have to be positive. We have to see the silver lining because that is exactly the vibe that you will pass down to the children," says the 45-year-old.

I'd say that for the children passing down happy vibes to their parents too!